Category: Snowman jokes

Dad: Do you know Dop Ted? Son: What’s Dop Ted? Dad: You are! Son: Good one, Dad! Dad: I’m not your dad! _()_/

If you could choose between world peace and $100,000,000, what color would you choose for your Ferrari?

Although it may be true that I don’t have a lot of friends, I do however have a significant amount of strangers that don’t bother me.

CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here’s a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)

What do you call a dinosaur that only eats the most delicious food? A connoisaur

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

I lost the birth video of my son so I’m at the labour ward hoping to recreate it. I’ll just zoom in close so my wife won’t be able to tell.

I love going over to my girlfriends place, her parents give me money when I leave! You know being a babysiter and all.

holy crap a guy actually gave me his number and i didn’t know what to do so i panicked and sent him a picture of a dead bird?

When stoves die… they go to hoven. I’m^so^sorry