How do angels greet each other? They say, Halo.
An angel in heaven was welcoming a new arrival. “How did you get here?” he asked. And the new angel replied, “Flu…”
An angel in heaven was welcoming a new arrival. “How did you get here?” he asked. And the new angel replied, “Flu…”
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. “Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But you realize, I hope, that weve got all the good players and the best coaches.” “I know, and thats all right,” Satan answered unperturbed. “Weve got all the umpires.”
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. “Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But you realize, I hope, that weve got all the good players and […]
What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven ? The Y2K deadline !
What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven ? The Y2K deadline !
A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.””The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, Im not Saint Peter and second, you really dont know where you are at all, do you ?”
A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.””The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, Im not Saint Peter and second, […]
Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you cant get toheaven?Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker youll get there.
Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you cant get toheaven?Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker youll get there.
Why did the angel lose her job? She had harp failure.
Why did the angel lose her job? She had harp failure.
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them How do you like it so far? The mouse replied Its great, but can I get a pair of roller skates? God said Sure, and he gave him a pair of roller skates. The next day God saw the cat and asked him How do you like it up here so far? and the cat replied Great, I didnt know you had meals on wheels up here!
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them How do you like it so far? The mouse replied Its great, but can I get a pair of roller skates? God said Sure, and he gave him a pair […]
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says “get in, get in!” The religous man replies, ” no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle.”Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause “God will grant him a miracle.”With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down.” St. Peter chuckles and responds, “I dont know what youre c omplaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter.”
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says “get in, get in!” The religous man replies, ” no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle.”Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by […]
Three college football coaches were flying across the country when their airplane crashed and all three died. They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for one of them to come into the clouds. God wanted to know three things: “Who are you? What did you do? What did people think of you?” The first coach said, “Im Joe Paterno. I coached Penn State from 1966 to 2000. I won 300 games, 19 bowl victories, 2 national championships, and won Coach of the Year 4 times. The people of Pennsylvania think Im great.” God said, “Fine, Joe, stand at my right side.” The next person said, “Im Bobby Bowden. I coached Florida State University from 1980 to 2000. I had a .816 win percentage, played in 14 bowl games without a loss and won a national championship after beating Nebraska. The people of Florida think Im great.” God said, “Fine, Bobby, stan d at my left side.” The third coach stood before God and said, “Im Bob Stoops. I took over a storied Oklahoma program that had won 6 national championships and held many NCAA records but had fallen to the lowest of the low. In the 3 years prior to me taking over the Sooners they went 3-8 (worst season in 102 years of football), 4-8, and 5-6, beating Texas only once and not beating Colorado or Nebraska, not to mention losing to OSU. I coached the Sooners for a season and a half, going 7-5 in my first year beating a top-15 Texas A&M with my unranked team and taking the Sooners to a bowl game. 7 games into my second season we were undefeated and I took the Sooners to #1 in the AP poll, Coaches poll, and BCS poll. We beat #10 Texas 63-14, #2 Kansas State in Manhattan 41-31, and #1 Nebraska 31-14. Our quarterback was the frontrunner for the Heisman trophy, we were in the drivers seat for the national championship, and th e people of Oklahoma think you are sitting in my chair.”
Three college football coaches were flying across the country when their airplane crashed and all three died. They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for one of them to come into the clouds. God wanted to know three things: “Who are you? What did you do? What did […]