Category: Money jokes

What did one stoplight say to the other stoplight? Don’t look! I’m changing!

Wild horses could easily drag me away. Probably a good sized dog or motivated cat could do the trick. A big bunch of gerbils, maybe.

Sorry I declined your Facebook friend request, but I can’t have those sideburns popping up in my news feed unannounced.

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous & six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.

My dog understands four words: his name, food, outside and Antidisestablishmentarianism.

I’m fat and get laughed at when I say I have an eating disorder But I wouldn’t be fat if I could stop eating disorder, datorder, and da other one too

A guy is fingering his girlfriend… …after a while, she starts to shift uncomfortably and says “would you mind taking your ring off, please?” The guy responds: “what ring? That’s my wristwatch!”

[text] Her: I picked up buffalo wings. Me: * moves furniture around * rolls out plastic sheeting

Did you hear about the Woodstock Killer? He was charged for murder within tents.

The phrase “Getting nickeled and dimed” hasn’t kept up with inflation… We’re definitely getting dollared now.