*pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*
Complained to my wife about our sex life diminishing. Zero fucks were given.
Complained to my wife about our sex life diminishing. Zero fucks were given.
I turned into a cat earlier. Don’t ask meow.
I turned into a cat earlier. Don’t ask meow.
What do you call a fake noodle?… An Impasta!
What do you call a fake noodle?… An Impasta!
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i’m pretty sure they’re hallucinations.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i’m pretty sure they’re hallucinations.
“Hahahahaha, what a narcissist! This model’s Instagram is so pathetic!” – me for 45 minutes while I scroll through all 700 of his photos
“Hahahahaha, what a narcissist! This model’s Instagram is so pathetic!” – me for 45 minutes while I scroll through all 700 of his photos
What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can’t peanut butter my dick up your ass.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can’t peanut butter my dick up your ass.
I’d love to date one of our moderators. Every joke is long to them.
I’d love to date one of our moderators. Every joke is long to them.
I think lamps are my favorite furniture. They’re always brightening up my day.
I think lamps are my favorite furniture. They’re always brightening up my day.
Horse walks up to a mirror and says “Why the long face?” Mirror says, “I’m not sad, I’m just reflective today.”
Horse walks up to a mirror and says “Why the long face?” Mirror says, “I’m not sad, I’m just reflective today.”