Did you see the results of the swimming competition at Lake Gennesaret? Jesus won in a walkover.
Twitter is my ‘serious’ account. My Bank account is the ‘joke’ one.
Twitter is my ‘serious’ account. My Bank account is the ‘joke’ one.
[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.
[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.
“Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let’s try to actually get something done today. All in favor?” Crowd: “NEIGH!” “Jesus Christ.”
“Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let’s try to actually get something done today. All in favor?” Crowd: “NEIGH!” “Jesus Christ.”
Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it. If he’s not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I’m going home.
Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it. If he’s not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I’m going home.
I asked the offspring how to make BBQ taste better Gotta keep em marinated. …I’ll just leave now.
I asked the offspring how to make BBQ taste better Gotta keep em marinated. …I’ll just leave now.
I get all of my news from “We Didn’t Start The Fire”
I get all of my news from “We Didn’t Start The Fire”
So I ordered the 50 cent at the bar last night… The bartender gave me 9 shots and took all my money
So I ordered the 50 cent at the bar last night… The bartender gave me 9 shots and took all my money
Why can’t I pay pay your mom for sex with my credit card? Because there’s a minimum charge of 5 dollars.
Why can’t I pay pay your mom for sex with my credit card? Because there’s a minimum charge of 5 dollars.
Why are men are like public toilets? The good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit.
Why are men are like public toilets? The good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit.