The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes.
I can’t let my girlfriend leave me I’d lose a hand
I can’t let my girlfriend leave me I’d lose a hand
“She’s got legs. She knows how to use them.” “So she’s ambulatory then?” “… I guess?” “And is that really all you’re looking for?”
“She’s got legs. She knows how to use them.” “So she’s ambulatory then?” “… I guess?” “And is that really all you’re looking for?”
How did Harry Potter get down the hill? -Walking. -JK, Rowling
How did Harry Potter get down the hill? -Walking. -JK, Rowling
whenever a song says put your hands in the air i do it on the spot. i have fun and also an alarming vehicle collision record
whenever a song says put your hands in the air i do it on the spot. i have fun and also an alarming vehicle collision record
What fish sounds like a telephone? Herring herring…herring herring…herring herring.
What fish sounds like a telephone? Herring herring…herring herring…herring herring.
What do you call an Islamic comedian? A Funni Muslim
What do you call an Islamic comedian? A Funni Muslim
*sees spider in the shower* Oh jeez I’m sorry lock the door next time buddy
*sees spider in the shower* Oh jeez I’m sorry lock the door next time buddy
Netflix just asked me to rate ‘Spy Kids 2’ and I clicked “I haven’t seen it” but I have. I have seen it. A lot.
Netflix just asked me to rate ‘Spy Kids 2’ and I clicked “I haven’t seen it” but I have. I have seen it. A lot.
Beyonce made a song called “Single Ladies” then went home to her husband and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy
Beyonce made a song called “Single Ladies” then went home to her husband and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy