I broke up with my girlfriend on a ski trip Our relationship was going downhill.
A cheesemaker is hard-strapped for cash… He decided to get a Provolone.
A cheesemaker is hard-strapped for cash… He decided to get a Provolone.
There’s no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE.
There’s no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE.
breakfast in bed? babe I thought you said brofest in bed. *gestures at chad and brad to leave* *whispers* we can still play frisbee later.
breakfast in bed? babe I thought you said brofest in bed. *gestures at chad and brad to leave* *whispers* we can still play frisbee later.
Wife: Did you eat an ENTIRE half-gallon of ice cream?!?! Me: It was getting freezer-burned. W: I just bought it today! Me: Crazy freezer.
Wife: Did you eat an ENTIRE half-gallon of ice cream?!?! Me: It was getting freezer-burned. W: I just bought it today! Me: Crazy freezer.
Man: What can I do you for? Woman: a bottle of wine and cab fare
Man: What can I do you for? Woman: a bottle of wine and cab fare
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner? A snake charmer.
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner? A snake charmer.
This Jewish kid asks his dad for five dollars… and his dad goes, “Four dollars? What do you need three dollars for?”
This Jewish kid asks his dad for five dollars… and his dad goes, “Four dollars? What do you need three dollars for?”
The bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve time travellers here” A time traveller walks into a bar.
The bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve time travellers here” A time traveller walks into a bar.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.