A pirate walks into a bar with paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “Hey, do you realize you have paper towel on your head?” The pirate replies, “Arrrg, I have a bounty on my head.”
What do you use when you are drowning in women? A flirtation device.
What do you use when you are drowning in women? A flirtation device.
Life’s too short for 1-ply friends. You need people who can handle your shit.
Life’s too short for 1-ply friends. You need people who can handle your shit.
going to travel back in time and paint a giant “@” in a cave just to freak everyone out
going to travel back in time and paint a giant “@” in a cave just to freak everyone out
So my wife discovered I keep writing “please help me” in the memo line of all my personal checks and now I’m not allowed to have checks.
So my wife discovered I keep writing “please help me” in the memo line of all my personal checks and now I’m not allowed to have checks.
Why didn’t Hitler ever order the French Dip sandwich when he went out to eat? Because he hated au jus.
Why didn’t Hitler ever order the French Dip sandwich when he went out to eat? Because he hated au jus.
Girl on Facebook Heyy i have not seen u since high school. Me. It’s been a while. Her. Yea been married 6 years now : ) Me. Unfriend
Girl on Facebook Heyy i have not seen u since high school. Me. It’s been a while. Her. Yea been married 6 years now : ) Me. Unfriend
This dude forgot to put tomatoes on my sandwich. Thanks, “artist”. Now I have nothing to pick off.
This dude forgot to put tomatoes on my sandwich. Thanks, “artist”. Now I have nothing to pick off.
6: Daddy the floor is lava! Me: Oh yeah? *Pushes wife off chair*
6: Daddy the floor is lava! Me: Oh yeah? *Pushes wife off chair*
I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon It was a running joke.
I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon It was a running joke.