A hawk snatched my gf’s chihuahua today.. ..it got rid of that annoying bitch for me in one fowl swoop.
Even today this is still the best one I know Obama got elected twice.
Even today this is still the best one I know Obama got elected twice.
[whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice
[whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice
Men treat women like objects. Weird men treat objects like women.
Men treat women like objects. Weird men treat objects like women.
Policeman: Didn’t you hear my siren? Motorist: Sure that’s why I sped up.
Policeman: Didn’t you hear my siren? Motorist: Sure that’s why I sped up.
Who ate a lot and conquered Rome? Atilla the Hungry.
Who ate a lot and conquered Rome? Atilla the Hungry.
What did one fetus say to the other? Guess were wombmates! *drops mic*
What did one fetus say to the other? Guess were wombmates! *drops mic*
I got 4,627 problems and 697 of them are toothpicks, 884 of them are threads on my pillow, 3,045 are leaves on these trees, and OCD is 1.
I got 4,627 problems and 697 of them are toothpicks, 884 of them are threads on my pillow, 3,045 are leaves on these trees, and OCD is 1.
Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers!
Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers!
*opens kitchen drawer* Me: Whoa, what’s with all the whisks? Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me?
*opens kitchen drawer* Me: Whoa, what’s with all the whisks? Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me?