Category: Cowboy jokes

How do you catch a polar bear? Go to the north pole and dig a hole in the ice. Set some peas around the hole and when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick it in the ice-hole.

Me: What kind of Dr. treats men who won’t talk on the phone? GF: What? M: A Guy-no-call-ogist. GF: I’m killing u in ur sleep tonight.

*Shrek pre-production meeting* Producer: Do we have a name for the dragon yet Guy who named the donkey “Donkey”: I was thinking Dragon sir

Knock knock, interrupting cat (warning, do NOT tell joke in busy public areas) Knock knock Who’s there? Interrupting cat Interrupting ca… MMEEAAOOWW

Losing my virginity was a lot like riding a bike for the first time. My dad was holding me from behind.

Why the chicken cross the road? To look for his cock.

What do you call a fat female assassin? A killer whale.

[at the pet store] Me: I’d like a baby lizard please [later at home] Me: isn’t he cute? Wife [heavily pregnant]: I said a baby monitor

Blood is thicker than water. Maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it.

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo.