Category: Cat jokes

“All your dreams will come true”, said my fortune cookie And the next day I realized, I went to work naked and couldn’t run when I got chased by that monster

Whats the best thing about being a meth addict? Only two more sleeps until christmas.

Q: Why can’t you hear a viola on a digital recording? A: Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

What sound does a cow make? “Moooo” Good, a duck? “Quack” Good, how about a seal? “My power my PLEASURE MY PAIN, babaaaayyy

I’m launching an app that reads out nihilist quotes. It’s aimed at a Nietzsche market

Look, don’t ask me about the blind masturbation competition. I don’t know where I came.

Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped? An abduction. I’ll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.

I wrote a program to do my acounting It works really well, it said there are 3 in this sentence.

Coworker: That’s a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!

[hunting] “In order to attract the stag, I perform the special call” [clears throat, cups hands round mouth] “COME OVER HERE, ANTLER JERK”