What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail? The world’s slowest vampire.
Mom, your tweets are mostly outdated pop culture references “yeah and I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids”
Mom, your tweets are mostly outdated pop culture references “yeah and I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids”
What does a mod do in their spare time? [Deleted]
What does a mod do in their spare time? [Deleted]
Mom: You need to get a hobby. Me: Like photography? Mom: I don’t think stalking the garbageman is a hobby.
Mom: You need to get a hobby. Me: Like photography? Mom: I don’t think stalking the garbageman is a hobby.
GOD: look what I created [points to clouds] ANGEL: what am I lookin at? GOD: Is it a bunny? A man face? It’s up to you! ANGEL: are you high?
GOD: look what I created [points to clouds] ANGEL: what am I lookin at? GOD: Is it a bunny? A man face? It’s up to you! ANGEL: are you high?
*guitarist breaks guitar* HELL YEAH *drummer throws drums* YES YES *singer stabs a bunch of guys* OH MY GOD *bassist plants a bomb* STOP
*guitarist breaks guitar* HELL YEAH *drummer throws drums* YES YES *singer stabs a bunch of guys* OH MY GOD *bassist plants a bomb* STOP
The saddest thing about trying to find a needle in a haystack is that your horse is hiding a drug habit from you.
The saddest thing about trying to find a needle in a haystack is that your horse is hiding a drug habit from you.
Nothing good has ever gone into a microwave at 3:00am.
Nothing good has ever gone into a microwave at 3:00am.
Why can’t Trump be compared to vegetables in jokes? Because even artichokes have a heart.
Why can’t Trump be compared to vegetables in jokes? Because even artichokes have a heart.
Cop: Tell us what you know! Me: Penguins are monogamous creatures with noted cases of bisexuality Cop: *typing up his science report*
Cop: Tell us what you know! Me: Penguins are monogamous creatures with noted cases of bisexuality Cop: *typing up his science report*