Category: Cat jokes

A British man enters customs at an Australian airport. The officer asks “Do you have a criminal record?” The man looks confused and replies “No, do I still need one?”

Me: Sorry, I can’t tonight. I already made plans. Him: That’s too bad. There’s going to be open bar and– Me: What time should I be there?

My friend had a stroke and half his body went dead He’s all right now.

Her: I saw this Yoda pen & I thought of you. Me: WHY? YOU THINK I’M 8 OR SOMETHING? Her: No, sorry… Me: Hey, hey, hey! Leave the pen.

I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. She keeps screaming some other guy’s name when we have sex. Let’s just hope I never come across this guy “rape” in a dark alley.

I hate it when people say Amsterdam is only for smoking weed. I mean c’mon, there’s prostitutes too!

My younger dog can go to sleep in about 4 seconds. The older one takes about 6 because she’s got more shit to worry about, I guess.

I like Donald Trump how I like Destiny Overhyped and without a campaign.

What travels down an alley and has holes in it? Batman’s parents.

What is grey and hairy and lives on a man’s face? A mousetache.