Who has scene a dinosaur? No one! They’re extinct!
Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed? He saw the salad dressing.
Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed? He saw the salad dressing.
You know why it’s women and children first off of a sinking ship? It’s so that the men can have some peace and quiet to figure out a solution.
You know why it’s women and children first off of a sinking ship? It’s so that the men can have some peace and quiet to figure out a solution.
Dad always said, “Never get on one knee for a girl… …who won’t get on both for you.”
Dad always said, “Never get on one knee for a girl… …who won’t get on both for you.”
How do you drown a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
How do you drown a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
I would like to thank the kind stranger I met on the bus this morning for teaching me the meaning of the word ‘abundance’. It means a lot.
I would like to thank the kind stranger I met on the bus this morning for teaching me the meaning of the word ‘abundance’. It means a lot.
[Lies on resume about having gone to preschool] Boss: You’re hired. Your first task is to make me a macaroni picture. Me: *eyes widen* what
[Lies on resume about having gone to preschool] Boss: You’re hired. Your first task is to make me a macaroni picture. Me: *eyes widen* what
Business Idea: Audio books for deaf people
Business Idea: Audio books for deaf people
My wife takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I’m rocking the swimming trunks my mom bought at K-Mart in 1991.
My wife takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I’m rocking the swimming trunks my mom bought at K-Mart in 1991.
*ex-Olive Garden server shoveling dirt into a fresh grave* Tell me when.
*ex-Olive Garden server shoveling dirt into a fresh grave* Tell me when.