Finished my 2nd glass of wine. Husband doesn’t know it yet but he has a 30 second window of getting laid before I pass ou
A woman got breast implants made of wood… It would be funny if this joke had a punch line… wooden tit
A woman got breast implants made of wood… It would be funny if this joke had a punch line… wooden tit
Financial Tip: When laundering money, always separate the bills from the coins and use the delicate cycle with a gentle detergent.
Financial Tip: When laundering money, always separate the bills from the coins and use the delicate cycle with a gentle detergent.
How do we know Julius Caesar wasn’t gay? Because you have to be straight to be a good ruler
How do we know Julius Caesar wasn’t gay? Because you have to be straight to be a good ruler
Police officer: When’s your birthday? Me: (Drunk) um ok thats easy… ten dash four PO: What year? Me: Ugh duh every year
Police officer: When’s your birthday? Me: (Drunk) um ok thats easy… ten dash four PO: What year? Me: Ugh duh every year
I hate this place, as soon as I find my clothes, I am leaving.
I hate this place, as soon as I find my clothes, I am leaving.
{marriage counseling} I guess it all started when I saw him put the toothpaste on before the water… *therapist scribbles furiously*
{marriage counseling} I guess it all started when I saw him put the toothpaste on before the water… *therapist scribbles furiously*
Stablehand: Wanna hear a funny joke? Horse: Neigh!
Stablehand: Wanna hear a funny joke? Horse: Neigh!
What do you call a black widow trapped in a bowl of noodles? Natasha Ramenoff
What do you call a black widow trapped in a bowl of noodles? Natasha Ramenoff
Why didn’t the shrimp share his food?? He was a little shellfish
Why didn’t the shrimp share his food?? He was a little shellfish