Category: Cat jokes

[Dumbledore gets hit with Avada Kedavra] HOUSE MD: I think he had lupus.

What’s the difference between Trump and Satan? Satan will at least let anyone into hell.

WHY DO WE ALLOW OTHER COUNTRIES TO TAG THEIR NAME ON TO SOMETHING AND SELL US LIES WHEN THEY DO IT WRONG? CANADIAN BACON? ENGLISH MUFFINS?

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Eggs can’t cum.

So much gross product placement in THE SHINING. It’s like, fine, I’ll buy an axe.

My Persian friend and I were having lunch… But something came up and I had Tehran.

What do you get when you vaporize a king? A noble gas.

Did you hear about the actress who died? SO: “Did you hear about that actress who died? Reese…Reese..? Me: “Witherspoon?” SO: “No. With a knife.” Me: “…” Legitimate laughter ensued.

I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I’m getting married that day so I can’t go. If you’re interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter’s church and her name is Laura.

Did you hear about the suicide bomber that became a Youtube sensation? He never thought he’d blow up like this.