“Hello! You have a nice dog. Opiates are bad. Beautiful day today. My parents talk to pixies. Bye!” – Polite home-schooled kid I met today.
Why don’t black girls wear underwear to cookouts? To keep the flies off the fried chicken.
Why don’t black girls wear underwear to cookouts? To keep the flies off the fried chicken.
What did the number 0 say to the number 8? Nice belt.
What did the number 0 say to the number 8? Nice belt.
Do you want to earn $$$? Yes, three dollars!
Do you want to earn $$$? Yes, three dollars!
Me on New Year’s Day: 2016 is so going to be my year! (Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone’s year.
Me on New Year’s Day: 2016 is so going to be my year! (Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone’s year.
Make a fire with someone and they’ll be warm for a night. Make a fire with someone and they’ll be warm for the rest of their life.
Make a fire with someone and they’ll be warm for a night. Make a fire with someone and they’ll be warm for the rest of their life.
Self-absorbed people are the worst. They are always thinking about themselves when they should be thinking about me.
Self-absorbed people are the worst. They are always thinking about themselves when they should be thinking about me.
Aren’t horses just Eunuchorns?
Aren’t horses just Eunuchorns?
Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have ? Pupil : A fight !
Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have ? Pupil : A fight !
I bought some shoes off a drug dealer… I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day
I bought some shoes off a drug dealer… I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day