Category: Cat jokes

Eye of the Tiger came on the radio so I jumped out my car and shadow boxed till the light turned green.

How come when animals have sex at the zoo it’s “educational” But when I have sex it’s “immoral” and “illegal”

My husband had to sign a form stating he understands his mother’s cremation is nonreversible. I weep for our species.

“I want to get drunk in public.” “Me too but on pancake batter.” “If only there was a way to solve both problems.” -The Origin of Eggnog

Great Halloween costume idea! I just went through my closet and found my ex’s clothes. Does anyone want to be a raging bitch for Halloween?

How did Jesus get those sexy messiah abs? He did crossfit.

I thought the recipe was for making margarine, however, it churned out to be butter.

Me: Hey, am I too wrinkly? Daughter: You’re old, that’s going to happen. Me: I MEANT MY SHIRT.

Just pulled into the ‘Expecting Mothers’ parking spot at Walmart because I’m fully expecting to lose my shit on one of my kids in there.

Dad-Son Dad: There’s this test we need to go for. Son: You never told me earlier! I’m going to fail now. Dad: It’s a DNA test. You have to pass.