“I want to get drunk in public.” “Me too but on pancake batter.” “If only there was a way to solve both problems.” -The Origin of Eggnog
Great Halloween costume idea! I just went through my closet and found my ex’s clothes. Does anyone want to be a raging bitch for Halloween?
Great Halloween costume idea! I just went through my closet and found my ex’s clothes. Does anyone want to be a raging bitch for Halloween?
How did Jesus get those sexy messiah abs? He did crossfit.
How did Jesus get those sexy messiah abs? He did crossfit.
I thought the recipe was for making margarine, however, it churned out to be butter.
I thought the recipe was for making margarine, however, it churned out to be butter.
Me: Hey, am I too wrinkly? Daughter: You’re old, that’s going to happen. Me: I MEANT MY SHIRT.
Me: Hey, am I too wrinkly? Daughter: You’re old, that’s going to happen. Me: I MEANT MY SHIRT.
Just pulled into the ‘Expecting Mothers’ parking spot at Walmart because I’m fully expecting to lose my shit on one of my kids in there.
Just pulled into the ‘Expecting Mothers’ parking spot at Walmart because I’m fully expecting to lose my shit on one of my kids in there.
Dad-Son Dad: There’s this test we need to go for. Son: You never told me earlier! I’m going to fail now. Dad: It’s a DNA test. You have to pass.
Dad-Son Dad: There’s this test we need to go for. Son: You never told me earlier! I’m going to fail now. Dad: It’s a DNA test. You have to pass.
Grammar The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
Grammar The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
I wrote a poem about communism for my English class I had to share it with everyone
I wrote a poem about communism for my English class I had to share it with everyone
What s the only white thing about a black guy? His owner.
What s the only white thing about a black guy? His owner.