People who are constipated are such activists. They’re seriously always trying to start a movement…
You know who’d make a good hobbit? Elijah would.
You know who’d make a good hobbit? Elijah would.
“Raccoons”? Oh, you mean garbage pandas?
“Raccoons”? Oh, you mean garbage pandas?
redneck joke How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw
redneck joke How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw
Chinese takeout My wife has been angry at me all night for bringing her six bowls of soup back from the local Chinese restaurant. I don’t know what her deal is, she very clearly asked for wanton soup.
Chinese takeout My wife has been angry at me all night for bringing her six bowls of soup back from the local Chinese restaurant. I don’t know what her deal is, she very clearly asked for wanton soup.
Me: “Want a banana?” 3yo: “Yes, but don’t cut it up. And don’t peel it. And don’t make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle.”
Me: “Want a banana?” 3yo: “Yes, but don’t cut it up. And don’t peel it. And don’t make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle.”
Why are you walking away when we’re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! At least give me your number!’
Why are you walking away when we’re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! At least give me your number!’
I spilled some coffee. My wife called it grounds for divorce.
I spilled some coffee. My wife called it grounds for divorce.
Hey man, 1980 called. It wants its–oh, can you hold on? I’ve got 1945 on the other line, and he’s conferencing in 1973 so I should get this
Hey man, 1980 called. It wants its–oh, can you hold on? I’ve got 1945 on the other line, and he’s conferencing in 1973 so I should get this
i made up a joke once one day i made up a joke, but i am lactose intolerant and so i died
i made up a joke once one day i made up a joke, but i am lactose intolerant and so i died