[Me]: *slams fork & knife down on table* Not cool, babe. [Wife]: You didn’t honestly think there’d be weed in your pot pie, did you?
[First date] So what do you do for a living? “I’m a florist” WHY DON’T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT’S LAVA?
[First date] So what do you do for a living? “I’m a florist” WHY DON’T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT’S LAVA?
I came here to write jokes and waste your time But I’m out of jokes, so I’ll just waste your time
I came here to write jokes and waste your time But I’m out of jokes, so I’ll just waste your time
Using only a paperclip, taffy, and rubber band, MacGuyver left another shitty tip.
Using only a paperclip, taffy, and rubber band, MacGuyver left another shitty tip.
I don’t think any political ideology is inherently wrong Some are just alternative right
I don’t think any political ideology is inherently wrong Some are just alternative right
If they put a woman on the cover of th $20 bill… Would it change its value to $15.60?
If they put a woman on the cover of th $20 bill… Would it change its value to $15.60?
I like my coffe like I like my slaves Free.
I like my coffe like I like my slaves Free.
Why did the Anti vaccinator leave the solar system? Because he found mercury in it.
Why did the Anti vaccinator leave the solar system? Because he found mercury in it.
The older I get, the more sympathize with Squidward’s anger.
The older I get, the more sympathize with Squidward’s anger.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints!