I went to library to check out a book on suicide. The librarian asked me “who would bring it back?”
I was at the pub the other day when the landlord walked up to me, handed me a phone and said, “It’s for you, sir” “Thanks mate,” I said, took it and walked away. What a generous lad.
I was at the pub the other day when the landlord walked up to me, handed me a phone and said, “It’s for you, sir” “Thanks mate,” I said, took it and walked away. What a generous lad.
Why was Good Friday a favorite Nazi holiday? Because people all over the world celebrated the death of a Jew.
Why was Good Friday a favorite Nazi holiday? Because people all over the world celebrated the death of a Jew.
Nietzsche: God is dead God: Nietzsche is dead [they both turn to camera] THAT’S RIGHT, WE’RE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT OUR MATTRESS PRICES
Nietzsche: God is dead God: Nietzsche is dead [they both turn to camera] THAT’S RIGHT, WE’RE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT OUR MATTRESS PRICES
Riverdance was invented by an Irish family with 7kids but only one toilet.
Riverdance was invented by an Irish family with 7kids but only one toilet.
What did the deaf, blind, crippled kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
What did the deaf, blind, crippled kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
My stapler is pretty terrible at holding these pages together… …thank goodness for staples, huh!?
My stapler is pretty terrible at holding these pages together… …thank goodness for staples, huh!?
INTERVIEWER: How would you define yourself? ME: *don’t let her know you’re a delicious chocolate cake* Moist
INTERVIEWER: How would you define yourself? ME: *don’t let her know you’re a delicious chocolate cake* Moist
Why can’t I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
Why can’t I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
Life is like pizza. It makes you fat.
Life is like pizza. It makes you fat.