Hate it when people ask me what I will be doing five years from now Come on guys, I don’t have 2020 vision
What do you call a Chinese man allergic to dogs? Starving.
What do you call a Chinese man allergic to dogs? Starving.
Dating was easier back in the day. Back before the big bang when we were all compressed into one dot
Dating was easier back in the day. Back before the big bang when we were all compressed into one dot
“I always try to go the extra mile for my customers” -New York’s most hated cab driver Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter
“I always try to go the extra mile for my customers” -New York’s most hated cab driver Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter
Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and smell bad.
Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and smell bad.
Hey baby, you got an inhaler? Because you got dat Ass-ma.
Hey baby, you got an inhaler? Because you got dat Ass-ma.
Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me “Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon”
Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me “Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon”
I’m starting a prostitution ring for ex-cops…. I’m calling it Fuck The Police.
I’m starting a prostitution ring for ex-cops…. I’m calling it Fuck The Police.
If one more person asks me to do a summersault…. …….I swear I’m going to flip!!!
If one more person asks me to do a summersault…. …….I swear I’m going to flip!!!
My wife said she wants another baby and if I play my cards right, I can be the father.
My wife said she wants another baby and if I play my cards right, I can be the father.