Spiderman: Can I be in The Avengers now? Captain America: Um sure. Spiderman: What should I do? Iron Man: You’re in charge of web design.
If it wasn’t for the random passerby with the horrific deformity, I wouldn’t know nearly as much about what the top of my shoes looked like.
If it wasn’t for the random passerby with the horrific deformity, I wouldn’t know nearly as much about what the top of my shoes looked like.
There was life on mars. Was. It was a cat. Then Curiosity killed it.
There was life on mars. Was. It was a cat. Then Curiosity killed it.
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.
Why can’t the Americans play chess? Because they’re missing two towers.
Why can’t the Americans play chess? Because they’re missing two towers.
if you ask a veteran if they’ve killed anyone and they say they don’t like to talk about it, that means no
if you ask a veteran if they’ve killed anyone and they say they don’t like to talk about it, that means no
Whenever you’re feeling inadequate, remember: You know more about medicine than legitimate doctors during the civil war did.
Whenever you’re feeling inadequate, remember: You know more about medicine than legitimate doctors during the civil war did.
I would make a joke about your mother But cows are sacred in my country.
I would make a joke about your mother But cows are sacred in my country.
“Nothing is certain, except death and taxis.” Don’t you mean “ta– *gets run over by a cab*
“Nothing is certain, except death and taxis.” Don’t you mean “ta– *gets run over by a cab*
Every time the wife pisses me off, I hollow out her tampons and pack them with strawberry Pop Rocks.
Every time the wife pisses me off, I hollow out her tampons and pack them with strawberry Pop Rocks.