My tweets don’t get the attention they used to. I’ve seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard.
What’s the best part of split-pea soup? The cut up peaness.
What’s the best part of split-pea soup? The cut up peaness.
A man drops his watch…….. And he notices his dog is about to piss on it. The man says “Oh no you don’t, not on my watch!”
A man drops his watch…….. And he notices his dog is about to piss on it. The man says “Oh no you don’t, not on my watch!”
I think when a transvestite goes missing their face should appear on a carton of half & half
I think when a transvestite goes missing their face should appear on a carton of half & half
Secret agents asking citizens to please speak more clearly in all phone calls. Also, cut the chitchat and get to the good stuff, they ask.
Secret agents asking citizens to please speak more clearly in all phone calls. Also, cut the chitchat and get to the good stuff, they ask.
Let me get this straight Hulu Plus. I pay you $ to watch shows & then you fill those shows with commercials. This sounds familiar.
Let me get this straight Hulu Plus. I pay you $ to watch shows & then you fill those shows with commercials. This sounds familiar.
If I could have any superpower, I would pick China.
If I could have any superpower, I would pick China.
Hey girl, are you a fan? Because you’re obsessive and loud
Hey girl, are you a fan? Because you’re obsessive and loud
My 2 year old wanted to race me home from daycare and I am TOTALLY winning. I don’t even see her tricycle in my rear-view mirror.
My 2 year old wanted to race me home from daycare and I am TOTALLY winning. I don’t even see her tricycle in my rear-view mirror.
Why do they refer to network ports as female? Because when they stop talking to you, you never know why.
Why do they refer to network ports as female? Because when they stop talking to you, you never know why.