I’m not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I’m just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid
How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick? cause their cars are always Stalin
How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick? cause their cars are always Stalin
A coworker asked me if I would please quit loudly singing along with my Oasis mix tape this morning. I said maybe…
A coworker asked me if I would please quit loudly singing along with my Oasis mix tape this morning. I said maybe…
I have a heroine addiction… …because I can only sleep with a girl if she has saved somebody’s life.
I have a heroine addiction… …because I can only sleep with a girl if she has saved somebody’s life.
I’m not saying I’ve got a girl crush on you, I’m just saying lesbiadorable together.
I’m not saying I’ve got a girl crush on you, I’m just saying lesbiadorable together.
You know what’s funny? Lots of shit so lighten the fuck up.
You know what’s funny? Lots of shit so lighten the fuck up.
What do you get when you combine a recliner with a fruit? A chairy.
What do you get when you combine a recliner with a fruit? A chairy.
Some people don’t like telling the truth, others don’t like hearing it.
Some people don’t like telling the truth, others don’t like hearing it.
My mother never attempted to wean me off of breast feeding. Just cut me off entirely one day… …as if that first year of college wasn’t difficult enough.
My mother never attempted to wean me off of breast feeding. Just cut me off entirely one day… …as if that first year of college wasn’t difficult enough.
A Scotsman was running down the street with his mouth open… He’d heard there was a nip in the air.
A Scotsman was running down the street with his mouth open… He’d heard there was a nip in the air.