start out every morning with positive thoughts then put them in a pile and light them on fire to speed shit up
What do you call the person who sleeps on the wet spot? Overcome
What do you call the person who sleeps on the wet spot? Overcome
What is the most masculine profession? Maleman
What is the most masculine profession? Maleman
What did Hitler say when he didn’t receive enough change from the cashier? “This is neinsense!!”
What did Hitler say when he didn’t receive enough change from the cashier? “This is neinsense!!”
“Sir, how may I help you?” *swivels around in chair* — A coffee please! “Did you bring that chair in here?” *reclines back* — Maybe?
“Sir, how may I help you?” *swivels around in chair* — A coffee please! “Did you bring that chair in here?” *reclines back* — Maybe?
[During sex] Me: I know you want me to be “naughty”, but I can barely breathe in this Hamburglar costume.
[During sex] Me: I know you want me to be “naughty”, but I can barely breathe in this Hamburglar costume.
Conspiracy theories are like moon landings. They’re all fake
Conspiracy theories are like moon landings. They’re all fake
Q: What do you call 3 blondes a chimp and another blonde standing on a street corner? A: 4 f*cks 4 f*cks 4 f*cks not for a zillion f*cks 4 f*cks!
Q: What do you call 3 blondes a chimp and another blonde standing on a street corner? A: 4 f*cks 4 f*cks 4 f*cks not for a zillion f*cks 4 f*cks!
do you sell wasps? a man goes into a pet shop and asks “how much are your wasps” the pet shop owner replies “we don’t sell any wasps” “what about the one in the window”
do you sell wasps? a man goes into a pet shop and asks “how much are your wasps” the pet shop owner replies “we don’t sell any wasps” “what about the one in the window”
Ethereal A breakfast suggestion from Mike Tyson
Ethereal A breakfast suggestion from Mike Tyson