How do you throw a party in Nigeria? You stick a piece of bread to the ceiling
Dear England, Now you know what it feels like when you’re out of Europe against your will. Scotland.
Dear England, Now you know what it feels like when you’re out of Europe against your will. Scotland.
Parents spend the first 3 years of their child’s life teaching it to walk and talk.. They then spend the next 10 years teaching it to sit down and shut up.
Parents spend the first 3 years of their child’s life teaching it to walk and talk.. They then spend the next 10 years teaching it to sit down and shut up.
A woman calls the police claiming a one armed man is trying to kill her… They say to her “don’t worry about him mam, he’s hARMLESS.”
A woman calls the police claiming a one armed man is trying to kill her… They say to her “don’t worry about him mam, he’s hARMLESS.”
Did you see the results of the swimming competition at Lake Gennesaret? Jesus won in a walkover.
Did you see the results of the swimming competition at Lake Gennesaret? Jesus won in a walkover.
Twitter is my ‘serious’ account. My Bank account is the ‘joke’ one.
Twitter is my ‘serious’ account. My Bank account is the ‘joke’ one.
[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.
[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.
“Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let’s try to actually get something done today. All in favor?” Crowd: “NEIGH!” “Jesus Christ.”
“Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let’s try to actually get something done today. All in favor?” Crowd: “NEIGH!” “Jesus Christ.”
Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it. If he’s not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I’m going home.
Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it. If he’s not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I’m going home.
I asked the offspring how to make BBQ taste better Gotta keep em marinated. …I’ll just leave now.
I asked the offspring how to make BBQ taste better Gotta keep em marinated. …I’ll just leave now.