I don’t drink, smoke or swear. Holy shit! I dropped my cigarette into my beer!
On a cold, late December day… … the wall calendar looked across the room at the advent calendar and said: “It looks like our days are numbered, pal”.
On a cold, late December day… … the wall calendar looked across the room at the advent calendar and said: “It looks like our days are numbered, pal”.
What do you call a female dog with a pH over 7? A basic bitch.
What do you call a female dog with a pH over 7? A basic bitch.
Why are Egyptian saxophonists all such good friends? They’ve got a “toot in common.”
Why are Egyptian saxophonists all such good friends? They’ve got a “toot in common.”
A nurse takes out a rectal thermometer from her shirt pocket And thinks, Some asshole has got my pen.
A nurse takes out a rectal thermometer from her shirt pocket And thinks, Some asshole has got my pen.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
I once went on a date with a girl called Simile… I don’t know what I metaphor.
I once went on a date with a girl called Simile… I don’t know what I metaphor.
A man walks into a bar And the bar happened to be at crotch level and it hurt like a motherfucker
A man walks into a bar And the bar happened to be at crotch level and it hurt like a motherfucker
[God creating mosquitoes] “I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces.”
[God creating mosquitoes] “I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces.”
If Chris Brown played Quidditch, what position would he play? Beater
If Chris Brown played Quidditch, what position would he play? Beater