A bottle washes on shore with a note inside it: “Go swimming, the water’s great! And there’s no sharks! P.S. this wasn’t written by a shark”
My girlfriend thought the fossball table in our living room was too fratty. So I filled it up with water and turned it into a synchronized swimming simulator.
My girlfriend thought the fossball table in our living room was too fratty. So I filled it up with water and turned it into a synchronized swimming simulator.
*looks up from phone* …nah *looks back down*
*looks up from phone* …nah *looks back down*
How can you tell if a person’s a vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
How can you tell if a person’s a vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
I told my friend he’s a bad thief. He’s not taking it well.
I told my friend he’s a bad thief. He’s not taking it well.
[snake charmer struggling to get snake to stand up] I swear this never happens
[snake charmer struggling to get snake to stand up] I swear this never happens
George Michael has been accused of organ trafficking It turns out Last Christmas, someone gave him their heart
George Michael has been accused of organ trafficking It turns out Last Christmas, someone gave him their heart
Did you hear about the guy who is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian? He has a sign on his door: “Either way, you get your dog back.”
Did you hear about the guy who is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian? He has a sign on his door: “Either way, you get your dog back.”
I was surprised Oscar Pistorius owned a gun in the first place. I would have thought he preferred blades.
I was surprised Oscar Pistorius owned a gun in the first place. I would have thought he preferred blades.
I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it’s 7:30 already. You’re gonna be late for work.
I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it’s 7:30 already. You’re gonna be late for work.