Went to the corner shop… Bought four corners.
*sees lawn gnome cartwheel into room* *calls to renew prescription*
*sees lawn gnome cartwheel into room* *calls to renew prescription*
Utensils Guy 1: “Hey, did you hear that Joe got knifed the other day?” Guy 2: “That’s forked up!” Guy 1: *glares at Guy 2* Guy 2: “What? Too spoon?*
Utensils Guy 1: “Hey, did you hear that Joe got knifed the other day?” Guy 2: “That’s forked up!” Guy 1: *glares at Guy 2* Guy 2: “What? Too spoon?*
What did the window say when it was cracked? Well this is a pane in my glass.
What did the window say when it was cracked? Well this is a pane in my glass.
“Our new model works 40 percent of the time. Best one, yet. Congratulations, everyone.” – CEO of automatic paper towel dispenser company
“Our new model works 40 percent of the time. Best one, yet. Congratulations, everyone.” – CEO of automatic paper towel dispenser company
Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their hands through their hair.
Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their hands through their hair.
Oh, you’re a ceiling fan? Name three ceilings.
Oh, you’re a ceiling fan? Name three ceilings.
My friend recently told me he was allergic to blood… I told him he was full of it.
My friend recently told me he was allergic to blood… I told him he was full of it.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook. This Is a typical “no right answer” type of situation.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook. This Is a typical “no right answer” type of situation.
What does Clint Eastwood say to God every morning? “Go Ahead Make My Day”
What does Clint Eastwood say to God every morning? “Go Ahead Make My Day”