According to my laptop, my New Year’s resolution is 1680 x 1050.
the waiter snuck up on me when i was eating my steak and now i’m all embarrassed ’cause i’m not sure how much to tip someone i just stabbed.
the waiter snuck up on me when i was eating my steak and now i’m all embarrassed ’cause i’m not sure how much to tip someone i just stabbed.
Never using online dating again. Last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison. He meant prison.
Never using online dating again. Last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison. He meant prison.
Why was Ohm the Empire’s best scout? He discovered the resistance
Why was Ohm the Empire’s best scout? He discovered the resistance
Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It’s just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor.
Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It’s just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor.
*Involved in high speed chase* *Uses turn signals*
*Involved in high speed chase* *Uses turn signals*
I remember the last thing my grandfather ever said to me before he kicked the bucket… He said “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
I remember the last thing my grandfather ever said to me before he kicked the bucket… He said “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
FedEx missed me and left a note saying I can pick up my delivery, but joke’s on them — I no longer have the strength to do anything at all
FedEx missed me and left a note saying I can pick up my delivery, but joke’s on them — I no longer have the strength to do anything at all
How do fish party Seaweed
How do fish party Seaweed
What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples? “Don’t tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.”
What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples? “Don’t tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.”