Category: Elephant jokes

Husband and AC Comparison Position of husband is like a split A.C. No matter how loud he is outside, but inside the house, he is designed to remain silent, cool & controlled by remote.

{Working as a bouncer} ID please *looks* Okay you can go *softly kisses their forehead first*

Who died and left the US in charge? Hitler.

A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who’s stressing you out.

A Priest and a Rabbi Walk Into A Bar The rabbi turns to the priest and says: “I get the feeling someone is going to make a joke out of this.”

Saw a new movie the other day… It was about a guy who dreamt he was a condom. It was called Contra-ception.

Two cannibals are eating a dead clown one cannibal turns to the other and says “does this taste funny to you?”

My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, “9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home.” So he up and moved

Starting to carry a clipboard at work just to let folks know I’m not fucking around about shit anymore.

I just got a Sleep Number mattress, and it turns out my sleep number is 911. Because a night in my bed, you’ll never forget.