Don’t masturbate with Crisco. It’s shortening.
[mission] CMDR: Did everyone sync their watches? ME: Yeah and now it doesn’t work CMDR: What? Let me see ME: I can’t…it’s in the sink
[mission] CMDR: Did everyone sync their watches? ME: Yeah and now it doesn’t work CMDR: What? Let me see ME: I can’t…it’s in the sink
When Wall-E first came out I was like “‘what a profound statement” and now, a few years older, I’m like “gimme one of those sick chairs.”
When Wall-E first came out I was like “‘what a profound statement” and now, a few years older, I’m like “gimme one of those sick chairs.”
How do Mexicans cut their pizza? Little Ceasars
How do Mexicans cut their pizza? Little Ceasars
Am I the only one who gets nervous when a person @’s you with a link? Like they found that pic of you at 18 being spanked in a tutu.
Am I the only one who gets nervous when a person @’s you with a link? Like they found that pic of you at 18 being spanked in a tutu.
How did the guitar player bust the G string? He was fingering A Minor.
How did the guitar player bust the G string? He was fingering A Minor.
LPT: what to do when someone is having a seizure in a bathtub Throw in a load of laundry.
LPT: what to do when someone is having a seizure in a bathtub Throw in a load of laundry.
Percentage of Childhood Obesity by U.S. State in 2011 x-post from /r/dataisbeautiful
Percentage of Childhood Obesity by U.S. State in 2011 x-post from /r/dataisbeautiful
And then Satan said, “Put the alphabet in math…”
And then Satan said, “Put the alphabet in math…”
Today, I was thinking about the expression ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’. Then I considered ‘revenge is sweet’. I’ve come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.
Today, I was thinking about the expression ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’. Then I considered ‘revenge is sweet’. I’ve come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.