Sometimes it’s fun to walk out of the ladies room licking your fingers.
Me: I’m so tired. Phone: Put me down and go to sleep. Me and Phone: HAHAHAHAHA!
Me: I’m so tired. Phone: Put me down and go to sleep. Me and Phone: HAHAHAHAHA!
My house is the only one on our street with Christmas lights up I guess the rest of the neighbours are a bunch of Jews
My house is the only one on our street with Christmas lights up I guess the rest of the neighbours are a bunch of Jews
I want to steal someone’s phone who has 8000 followers and retweet the fuck out of myself
I want to steal someone’s phone who has 8000 followers and retweet the fuck out of myself
I can’t tell jokes about the Titanic anymore… I just get a sinking feeling when I do.
I can’t tell jokes about the Titanic anymore… I just get a sinking feeling when I do.
Did you hear about the overweight, alcoholic transvestite? He liked to eat, drink, and be Mary.
Did you hear about the overweight, alcoholic transvestite? He liked to eat, drink, and be Mary.
Why is it so confusing to play chess with the British? It’s only check, mate
Why is it so confusing to play chess with the British? It’s only check, mate
I swear I change my mind about this election every time I open up facebook. My high school friends are political geniuses!
I swear I change my mind about this election every time I open up facebook. My high school friends are political geniuses!
Being popular on twitter is like being the keynote speaker at a Dementia Convention. No one remembers you the next day.
Being popular on twitter is like being the keynote speaker at a Dementia Convention. No one remembers you the next day.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.