Police officer: Have you had anything to drink? Me:No PO:Ok, blow into here Me:But there are no candles PO:Ma’am please get out of the car
What did the cucumber say to the salad? Nothing. (It’s a cucumber. (They don’t talk.))
What did the cucumber say to the salad? Nothing. (It’s a cucumber. (They don’t talk.))
We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
What’s the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack? The lumberjack has a job.
What’s the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack? The lumberjack has a job.
He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice. He’s gonna find out who’s Muslim or nice. Donald Trump is coming to town !
He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice. He’s gonna find out who’s Muslim or nice. Donald Trump is coming to town !
“Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.” –Guy who doesn’t understand how sleep works
“Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.” –Guy who doesn’t understand how sleep works
C’mon, when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical, actually. Yes, that is a lot. Wow, did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard.
C’mon, when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical, actually. Yes, that is a lot. Wow, did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard.
Dad is the polite way of saying Motherfucker.
Dad is the polite way of saying Motherfucker.
I drove home with a new bunny for my kids & all they did was moan. “Why hasn’t it got a head?” “I don’t want to scrape it off the wheel.”
I drove home with a new bunny for my kids & all they did was moan. “Why hasn’t it got a head?” “I don’t want to scrape it off the wheel.”
Does anyone know a cure for excessive ear wax. If you do, please give me a shout.
Does anyone know a cure for excessive ear wax. If you do, please give me a shout.