Category: Cat jokes

HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger? WIFE : I clean the toilet…. HUSBAND:How does that help ? WIFE : I use your toothbrush.

Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they’re the problem is the other half.

Steps to getting into her pants: 1) Wait for her to fall asleep 2) Take her pants off 3) Put them on yourself 4) Find a top that matches

Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.

Why does Dr Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife is dead.

So the other day I was pressing my clothes But it turned out I had just made even more creases. I was so upset. I guess I couldn’t handle the irony.

My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday. She wasn’t happy when I came back with a push up bra.

I had a bad diarrhea few days back… Someone online suggested I should try potatoes. I’ve showed one up by butt and I haven’t taken a shit in 3 days! Thanks stranger!

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, you’ll be a mile away and he’ll be barefoot.

911! I just murdered a bunch of people 911: omg on purpose? Hang on lemme ask, did I murder anyone by mistake?.. No one is answering, So..