What do you call a lightbulb that holds the door for you? A polite bulb.
How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb? One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.
How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb? One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.
Bouncer: ID please Me: I got socks for Christmas Bouncer: …okay Me: and I’m genuinely happy about it Bouncer: so sorry come on in
Bouncer: ID please Me: I got socks for Christmas Bouncer: …okay Me: and I’m genuinely happy about it Bouncer: so sorry come on in
Why are gay people always confused? It’s because they are not thinking straight.
Why are gay people always confused? It’s because they are not thinking straight.
Jesus said to John, “Come forth and I will give you eternal life.” But he came fifth and got a toaster.
Jesus said to John, “Come forth and I will give you eternal life.” But he came fifth and got a toaster.
The vegetable crisper or as I call it, the cold garbage can.
The vegetable crisper or as I call it, the cold garbage can.
Only people who’ve walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist.
Only people who’ve walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist.
I heard they found the plane.. Well at least Sarah Palin tweeted that she could see the wreckage from her house.
I heard they found the plane.. Well at least Sarah Palin tweeted that she could see the wreckage from her house.
Fine Bros can’t sue metal beams, Because they don’t react to jet fuel.
Fine Bros can’t sue metal beams, Because they don’t react to jet fuel.
How are airplanes and women alike? They both have cockpits.
How are airplanes and women alike? They both have cockpits.