What do you call a weak cup of tea? Subtlety.
When an unattractive woman in a bar asks me my sign I tell her “Stop.”
When an unattractive woman in a bar asks me my sign I tell her “Stop.”
I like how Band-Aids come in 2 varieties: Stays on For a Second Before Falling Off or Needs WD-40 For Removal From Skin.
I like how Band-Aids come in 2 varieties: Stays on For a Second Before Falling Off or Needs WD-40 For Removal From Skin.
[job interview] Him: What’s your greatest strength? Me: I’m very independent. Him: … Me: … Him: … Me: Tell him, Mom. Mom: He is!
[job interview] Him: What’s your greatest strength? Me: I’m very independent. Him: … Me: … Him: … Me: Tell him, Mom. Mom: He is!
The titanic is all like… “I nominate all my passengers for the ice bucket challenge”
The titanic is all like… “I nominate all my passengers for the ice bucket challenge”
Why do successful lettuce farmers always get women? Because everyone knows they give good *head*.
Why do successful lettuce farmers always get women? Because everyone knows they give good *head*.
What’s the worst thing about being drunk? Ask a glass of water.
What’s the worst thing about being drunk? Ask a glass of water.
Him: your so funny, smart & beautiful how are you still single Me: *you’re
Him: your so funny, smart & beautiful how are you still single Me: *you’re
My boss told me to have a good day.. So I went home.
My boss told me to have a good day.. So I went home.
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s screwing the chickens.
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s screwing the chickens.