Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided… …if I should move to Canada or New Zealand.
*being pulled away by security from flamingo pen at the zoo with a handful of pink feathers and a black eye* HE STARTED IT
*being pulled away by security from flamingo pen at the zoo with a handful of pink feathers and a black eye* HE STARTED IT
What’s the worst thing about being drunk? Ask a glass of water.
What’s the worst thing about being drunk? Ask a glass of water.
Him: your so funny, smart & beautiful how are you still single Me: *you’re
Him: your so funny, smart & beautiful how are you still single Me: *you’re
My boss told me to have a good day.. So I went home.
My boss told me to have a good day.. So I went home.
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s screwing the chickens.
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s screwing the chickens.
Somewhere in Brooklyn there’s a baby named Helvetica being fussy about eating pureed kale and sleeping in his crib of repurposed bike parts.
Somewhere in Brooklyn there’s a baby named Helvetica being fussy about eating pureed kale and sleeping in his crib of repurposed bike parts.
“Here’s what I would do…” – me, giving bad advice
“Here’s what I would do…” – me, giving bad advice
I have sensitive teeth….. And I’m afraid I’ll say something to hurt their fillings.
I have sensitive teeth….. And I’m afraid I’ll say something to hurt their fillings.
I’ll do almost anything to lose weight. But exercising and eating properly is where I draw the line.
I’ll do almost anything to lose weight. But exercising and eating properly is where I draw the line.