Category: Witch jokes

“I like cooking my family and my pets.” Use commas. Don’t be a psycho.

I met a girl with 12 nipples today… Sounds funny dozen tit.

I just got my roof painted. The painters worked all day long, when I asked them how much I had to pay, they just replied, “Don’t worry about the paint, it’s on the house. “

I routinely take 8 flights of stairs for no other reason than to avoid idle chit chat in the elevator. See, hating people can be healthy!

KANYE: I made Taylor Swift famous TRUMP: We should ban all Muslims KANYE: BILL COSBY INNOCENT TRUMP: THE POPE SUCKS KANYE: damn ur good

They say if a girl laughs a lot at your jokes it’s a sign that she’s into you Turns out I’m just really funny

Dracula & other undead people who sleep in coffins must have good abs. They always rise up flat-backed when the casket opens.

[phone] WIFE: Where the hell are u? ME: Well u know that jewellers where u saw that ring u wanted? W: OMG M: I’m in a bar not far from there

How many germans does it take to change a lightbulp? One. We are efficient and don’t have any humor.

Under ‘medical history’, we were hoping for something more specific to you personally. You wrote “Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928”.