Category: Witch jokes

I’m positive I lost an electron… …better keep an ion that.

The last US election had a candidate called Mitt, a devout Catholic and a candidate called Newt, a serial adulterer. One was against same sex marriage and the other was against same marriage sex.

wife: Do you want a bowl? me [eating ice cream out of the carton] Why?

Why do they call me the fireman? Cause I turn on the hoes

“I like cooking my family and my pets.” Use commas. Don’t be a psycho.

I met a girl with 12 nipples today… Sounds funny dozen tit.

I just got my roof painted. The painters worked all day long, when I asked them how much I had to pay, they just replied, “Don’t worry about the paint, it’s on the house. “

I routinely take 8 flights of stairs for no other reason than to avoid idle chit chat in the elevator. See, hating people can be healthy!

KANYE: I made Taylor Swift famous TRUMP: We should ban all Muslims KANYE: BILL COSBY INNOCENT TRUMP: THE POPE SUCKS KANYE: damn ur good

They say if a girl laughs a lot at your jokes it’s a sign that she’s into you Turns out I’m just really funny