Nothing says “I’ve given up” like a fat person with a stomach tattoo.
Do you know how the store Menards got its name? A pirate was kicked in the nuts and he went, “Arr! Me-nards!”
Do you know how the store Menards got its name? A pirate was kicked in the nuts and he went, “Arr! Me-nards!”
[waiting with friend for his test results] “I’m nervous” I’m sure you’re fine *sees 2 doctors playing rock paper scissors outside room*
[waiting with friend for his test results] “I’m nervous” I’m sure you’re fine *sees 2 doctors playing rock paper scissors outside room*
ME: Pet it OPTIMUS PRIME: But I’m afraid of it ME: It’s just a dog OP: Oh..ok [reaches out] DOG: [sneezes] OP: [transforms into large truck]
ME: Pet it OPTIMUS PRIME: But I’m afraid of it ME: It’s just a dog OP: Oh..ok [reaches out] DOG: [sneezes] OP: [transforms into large truck]
The pound is way more fun than the zoo They change out the animals every week!
The pound is way more fun than the zoo They change out the animals every week!
Why would Pinocchio make a bad criminal? He wasn’t cut out for this.
Why would Pinocchio make a bad criminal? He wasn’t cut out for this.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
Facebook should change its name to Acquaintance Birthday Reminder
Facebook should change its name to Acquaintance Birthday Reminder
What’s the first sign of AIDS? A pounding sensation in the ass.
What’s the first sign of AIDS? A pounding sensation in the ass.
Trump made up his very own word for what he will be in less than 2 years “Unpresidented”
Trump made up his very own word for what he will be in less than 2 years “Unpresidented”