Whats the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer? The taste.
I’ll apologize for burning your house down if you apologize for telling me I “overreact.”
I’ll apologize for burning your house down if you apologize for telling me I “overreact.”
Saw a bird at my feeder shit on another bird’s head and that bird just kept right on eating. I’ve never before felt this close to nature.
Saw a bird at my feeder shit on another bird’s head and that bird just kept right on eating. I’ve never before felt this close to nature.
The Pope walks into a synagogue the Rabbi asks, “Why the wrong faith?”
The Pope walks into a synagogue the Rabbi asks, “Why the wrong faith?”
doc: “your dad’s been in a coma for 9 days, we’re running out of ideas” me: “let me try” [goes to adjust thermostat] dad: [opens one eye]
doc: “your dad’s been in a coma for 9 days, we’re running out of ideas” me: “let me try” [goes to adjust thermostat] dad: [opens one eye]
*gives your eulogy after inhaling helium*
*gives your eulogy after inhaling helium*
Whenever I see a lone female jogging at night I follow her in my car from a noticeable distance because there are a lot of weirdos out there.
Whenever I see a lone female jogging at night I follow her in my car from a noticeable distance because there are a lot of weirdos out there.
Comic Sans Serif walks into a bar…. … the bartender says: “Get out! We don’t serve your type here! “
Comic Sans Serif walks into a bar…. … the bartender says: “Get out! We don’t serve your type here! “
What’s a blonde’s favorite color? A light shade of clear.
What’s a blonde’s favorite color? A light shade of clear.
The woman next door was flashing me from her upstairs bedroom . How she got her car in there I’ll never know.
The woman next door was flashing me from her upstairs bedroom . How she got her car in there I’ll never know.