[At restaurant] I’m so hungry I could eat a horse! But I’m on a diet so… [To waiter] Do you have diet horse?
A flea jumped over the swinging doors of a saloon drank three whiskeys and jumped out again. He picked himself up from the dirt dusted himself down and said “OK who moved my dog?”
A flea jumped over the swinging doors of a saloon drank three whiskeys and jumped out again. He picked himself up from the dirt dusted himself down and said “OK who moved my dog?”
My wife has packed her things and left me… My wife has packed her things and left me due to my obsession with glass objects. Frankly, I’m shattered.
My wife has packed her things and left me… My wife has packed her things and left me due to my obsession with glass objects. Frankly, I’m shattered.
(reads smudged writing on hand during date) i just want to say that u look really preffy tonight
(reads smudged writing on hand during date) i just want to say that u look really preffy tonight
Snowman in the summer What do you call a snowman in the summer? “A puddle”
Snowman in the summer What do you call a snowman in the summer? “A puddle”
I remember… when I used to be really nostalgic. Those were the days.
I remember… when I used to be really nostalgic. Those were the days.
Barista: “Welcome to Starbucks!” Me: “Large coffee please.” B: “It’s venti!” Me: “Then close all the windows after you get my large coffee.”
Barista: “Welcome to Starbucks!” Me: “Large coffee please.” B: “It’s venti!” Me: “Then close all the windows after you get my large coffee.”
I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out… I say bought I actually stole it off a short fat, ginger kid
I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out… I say bought I actually stole it off a short fat, ginger kid
What do you do when you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off an apologize.
What do you do when you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off an apologize.
What’s the difference between lust, love, and just plain showing off? Spitting, Swallowing, and gargling.
What’s the difference between lust, love, and just plain showing off? Spitting, Swallowing, and gargling.