Eating a meal on an airplane makes me feel like a Tyrannosaurus rex who has to operate on a baby.
I’m perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince…But I draw the line at kissing snakes.
I’m perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince…But I draw the line at kissing snakes.
I met the woman of my dreams playing Pokemon GO then she got hit by a car.
I met the woman of my dreams playing Pokemon GO then she got hit by a car.
That IS a banana in my pocket AND I’m happy to see you. Why must society make these two things mutually exclusive??
That IS a banana in my pocket AND I’m happy to see you. Why must society make these two things mutually exclusive??
if you ask a veteran if they’ve killed anyone and they say they don’t like to talk about it, that means no
if you ask a veteran if they’ve killed anyone and they say they don’t like to talk about it, that means no
My urologist is weird. I peed in a cup. He drank it and said, “You’re fine.” Then he paid me. Don’t choose a doctor from Craigslist.
My urologist is weird. I peed in a cup. He drank it and said, “You’re fine.” Then he paid me. Don’t choose a doctor from Craigslist.
Barack Obama 1,000,000 people showed up to his inauguration, only 14 missed work.
Barack Obama 1,000,000 people showed up to his inauguration, only 14 missed work.
Two redditors walk into a bar, you won’t believe what happens next! Seriously. I knew you’d click it.
Two redditors walk into a bar, you won’t believe what happens next! Seriously. I knew you’d click it.
I can’t stand fake people. Unless you’re with me and we are faking that we are sober for a cop. Then you need to be Oscar winning fake.
I can’t stand fake people. Unless you’re with me and we are faking that we are sober for a cop. Then you need to be Oscar winning fake.
When God Handed out Chins… You Thought He Said Gins, And Asked For A Double.
When God Handed out Chins… You Thought He Said Gins, And Asked For A Double.