My 9 year old son – “If I ever get Bieber fever, just let the fever kill me.”
My loose coins falls on the floor of my bedroom daily, often without my knowing. It just sits there for weeks sometimes until I pick it up. I guess you could say I have a hard time handling change.
My loose coins falls on the floor of my bedroom daily, often without my knowing. It just sits there for weeks sometimes until I pick it up. I guess you could say I have a hard time handling change.
“Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq.” “Oh my god… How many is a Brazilian?”
“Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq.” “Oh my god… How many is a Brazilian?”
I keep a knife in my Bible so if someone wants to kill me, I ask to read it & when I get to the 6th Commandment, I stab them in the face.
I keep a knife in my Bible so if someone wants to kill me, I ask to read it & when I get to the 6th Commandment, I stab them in the face.
My wife bought me a second hand watch for my birthday… Anyway, better be going. The football starts in… 1200 seconds.
My wife bought me a second hand watch for my birthday… Anyway, better be going. The football starts in… 1200 seconds.
I’m not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I’m just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid
I’m not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I’m just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid
Gays and ISIS … are fucking assholes.
Gays and ISIS … are fucking assholes.
When it comes to volunteering on my gynaecology residency, I’m the first to put my hand up.
When it comes to volunteering on my gynaecology residency, I’m the first to put my hand up.
My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Oasis songs. I said maybe.
My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Oasis songs. I said maybe.
what is green and has wheels? A frog, I lied about the wheels.
what is green and has wheels? A frog, I lied about the wheels.