The swimsuit portion of the presidential election is going to suck.
Cinco de Mayo jokes, eh? Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff? TEQUILA!
Cinco de Mayo jokes, eh? Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff? TEQUILA!
[runs inside of a gas station] “I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT’S AN EMERGENCY!” *takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game
[runs inside of a gas station] “I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT’S AN EMERGENCY!” *takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game
I have an earning disability.
I have an earning disability.
I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly.
I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly.
why do women not need to wear watches? there’s a clock on the stove
why do women not need to wear watches? there’s a clock on the stove
I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it
I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it
ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little ‘present’ on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?
ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little ‘present’ on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?
What do you call a short psychic who hasn’t yet been apprehended? A small medium at-large?
What do you call a short psychic who hasn’t yet been apprehended? A small medium at-large?
“God I wish I was riding a dinosaur right now.” – My brain, circa now.
“God I wish I was riding a dinosaur right now.” – My brain, circa now.