Doctor Sawbones speaking. Oh doctor my girlfriend’s just dislocated her jaw. Can you come over in say three or four weeks’ time?
Che: “Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?” Me: [picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle] “Independence.”
Che: “Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?” Me: [picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle] “Independence.”
What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn’t fit into the pen? “There’s more there than meets the sty.”
What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn’t fit into the pen? “There’s more there than meets the sty.”
*brings bucket of fried chicken in meeting* *meeting starts* *I eat each piece, crunching, licking my fingers* *touches all the paper work*
*brings bucket of fried chicken in meeting* *meeting starts* *I eat each piece, crunching, licking my fingers* *touches all the paper work*
What happened to the two zombies who went on a date? They had a *Necro*mantic** time.
What happened to the two zombies who went on a date? They had a *Necro*mantic** time.
I told my DAD to embrace his mistakes. he cried. then he hugged My brother & me.
I told my DAD to embrace his mistakes. he cried. then he hugged My brother & me.
“These mushrooms aren’t poisonous!” – Somebody’s last words
“These mushrooms aren’t poisonous!” – Somebody’s last words
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
I once went on a date with a girl called Simile… I don’t know what I metaphor.
I once went on a date with a girl called Simile… I don’t know what I metaphor.
A man walks into a bar And the bar happened to be at crotch level and it hurt like a motherfucker
A man walks into a bar And the bar happened to be at crotch level and it hurt like a motherfucker