Did you hear about the 3 holes in the ground? Well, well, well.
“What an awesome body-” Oh… thanks. I work out- “- of research.” – formulas. I work out formulas. *sips tea* I do a lot of math.
“What an awesome body-” Oh… thanks. I work out- “- of research.” – formulas. I work out formulas. *sips tea* I do a lot of math.
I don’t go to the circus. Not because I’m scared of clowns, but because I’m scared of people who go to the circus.
I don’t go to the circus. Not because I’m scared of clowns, but because I’m scared of people who go to the circus.
My favorite pastime is roasting marshmallows over the bridges I burn.
My favorite pastime is roasting marshmallows over the bridges I burn.
What does Moses do when he wants a beer? He brews!
What does Moses do when he wants a beer? He brews!
Damn girl, are you a hoover? Cuz dam
Damn girl, are you a hoover? Cuz dam
A liberal, a conservative and a moderate walk into a bar. The bartender says “Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?”
A liberal, a conservative and a moderate walk into a bar. The bartender says “Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?”
Relationship goals: A relationship
Relationship goals: A relationship
Hormonal teenage daughter: Where do you want to be buried? Me: You mean after I die, right?
Hormonal teenage daughter: Where do you want to be buried? Me: You mean after I die, right?
I showed up to my girlfriend’s house. She said, “Why, don’t you look nice!?” I said, “Thanks.” “It wasn’t a compliment.” she added.
I showed up to my girlfriend’s house. She said, “Why, don’t you look nice!?” I said, “Thanks.” “It wasn’t a compliment.” she added.